everything you ever wanted to know about men....

but were afraid to ask.

Being the wife of one husband, the mother of 5 boys who are mostly men now, and 5 grandsons, I think I have a fairly basic understanding of men. When I came across this list it resonated with me immediately.

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich. The arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private, but in public they have to know.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually havejobs and bathe.

All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relationship."

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types, depressing and more depressing. Men have two types, nerdy and not nerdy.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

Men have higher body temperatures than women. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie "The Way We Were" twice, voluntarily.

Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause, you gain weight and get hot flashes. With male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Men forget everything. Women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.